Raising Bill Gates

跟比尔·盖茨(Bill Gates)的家人一起谈话，最后总会有人提到泼水事件。当时，这位后来的软件业大亨还是个12岁的任性男孩，吃饭时跟母亲吵了个天翻地覆。他父亲在一旁实在受够了，端起一杯冷水泼到了小盖茨的脸上。小盖茨咬牙切齿地说，感谢给我来了场淋浴。Sean Flanigan for The Wall Street Journal比尔·盖茨的父亲盖茨家的人之所以经常提到这件事，不仅因为它的戏剧性，还因为，对于老盖茨(Bill Gates Sr.)来说，这是他少有的发火的时候。这次吵架预示着一个性格暴躁的小男孩的生活将出现转折，他从此走上一条使他成为日后为公众所知的比尔·盖茨的道路，成了微软公司(Microsoft Corp.)的创始人也是世界上最富有的人。在比尔·盖茨的成功故事背后，是他的父亲老盖茨。老盖茨恢复了被一个男孩打破的家庭平衡，这个男孩彷佛一夜之间长大了，具备了成年人的智慧。当儿子冲进残酷的商业世界并在其中蓬勃发展的时候，老盖茨静静地在一旁为他出谋划策。当巨大的财富给儿子带来新的压力时，老盖茨加入进来，发起了目前世界上规模最大的私人慈善基金。这家基金名叫比尔及梅林达·盖茨基金会(Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation)，规模为300亿美元。今年83岁的老盖茨现在是基金会的联席主席。他一向不愿抛头露面。人们对其生活的了解仅限于从基金会得来的官方个人介绍。其中提到，他是西雅图的一名律师，曾参加过二战，当过非营利组织的志愿者，有三个孩子。他将自己对生活的想法写成了一本小书，下周即将出版。在接受《华尔街日报》采访时，盖茨父子及他们的家人首次透露了他们家庭生活中的许多细节，包括小盖茨从事咨询业的经历，以及他早期对电脑的兴趣在一定程度上可以说是一场家庭危机的结果。家庭内部讲求纪律和追求自由的力量有时会互相冲突，而这些力量的共同作用塑造了比尔·盖茨的性格。随着这位软件巨头7个月前开始全职为盖茨基金会工作，父子间的关系也进入一个新阶段。在过去13年时间里，父亲一直是所有家庭成员中唯一一位每天都会出现在基金会的人。他最早在家里的地下室里创办了这个基金会，在儿子经营微软的最后10年中，他一直照看着基金会。现在，父子俩第一次直接在一起工作了。老盖茨身高6英尺6英寸，几乎比儿子整整高出一头。众所周知，老盖茨比儿子更擅长交际，但他们都有敏锐的才智，而且同样直率，这种直率在一些人看来可能有点唐突。他不喜欢反省自己，而且他不认为自己在儿子的生活中有多大的重要性。比尔·盖茨背后的人《华尔街日报》的Rob Guth向Stacey Delo介绍了他写的一篇文章。这篇文章描述了微软创始人比尔·盖茨(Bill Gates Jr.)与父亲老比尔·盖茨(Bill Gates Sr.)之间的关系，以及父亲对小比尔·盖茨的影响。老盖茨在2005年的一次演讲中对一群非营利组织的领导者说，作为一名父亲，我从没想到那个在我家里长大吃着我的饭名字也跟我一样的爱争论的小男孩将来会成为我的老板。但事实就是这样。在系列采访中的某一次，老盖茨说，盖茨成长的第一阶段──爱争论的小男孩──大约是从11岁的时候开始的。老盖茨说，大约就是那个时候，小比尔长大了，而且越来越让家里人头痛。在那之前，盖茨家一直都很宁静。老盖茨和妻子玛丽有3个孩子：克里斯蒂(Kristi)比尔（1955年出生）和利比(Libby)。这是一个亲密的家庭，家人热衷于竞赛：各种棋盘游戏纸牌乒乓球。还有各种固定习惯：比如每个周日同一时间的大餐；圣诞节的时候，全家每个人都穿同样的睡衣。虽然老盖茨深深参与到孩子们的生活里，但他在感情上却多少有点内敛，孩子们认为，这可能是他那代人的普遍特点。老盖茨身材高大，加上身为律师喜欢小心措词的习惯，也让他有时显得有点吓人。他的大女儿克里斯蒂·布莱克(Kristi Blake)说，他回到家，坐到椅子上然后吃饭，但从来没有诸如来个拥抱这样的温馨举动。在西雅图一家律师事务所从业期间，老盖茨将抚养孩子的日常工作大部分都留给了妻子。盖茨太太是西雅图一位银行家的女儿，就读高中和大学时，她一直都是运动员和优秀学生。她是在大学遇到老盖茨的。后来她成了一名全职志愿者，还曾在企业董事会任职。玛丽鼓励孩子们刻苦学习，多运动，并学习音乐。（比尔·盖茨曾学过长号，但没有什么建树。）由于在富裕的家庭长大，因此玛丽有着自己教育孩子的方式。她希望孩子穿着得体守时重信热情好客。小盖茨在多数情况下都谨遵母命。盖茨的妹妹莉比·阿米特洛特(Libby Armintrout)说，她是最忙碌的家长，而且对我们抱有很高的期望。不仅关心我们的学习成绩，还包括方方面面，比如我们在公共场合的行为，以及如何与人交往。意志的斗争盖茨从小就非常努力。他从头到尾读完了整部《世界大百科全书》。他的父母也鼓励他多读书，但凡盖茨想读的书，他们都会买给他。不过，父母却担心盖茨过于沉迷于书籍，而忽略了人际交往。他们强迫小盖茨参加他们举办的聚会，并在父亲的专业会议上充当服务生，希望使其不再过度沉迷于书本。老盖茨说，儿子在11岁时便表现出与众不同的智力水平，经常向父母问一些国际关系商业和生命本质的问题。老盖茨说，这些问题很有趣，我认为这样很好。现在可以告诉你，他母亲并不欣赏这一点，甚至令她感到不安。此时，盖茨已开始不断冲撞母亲意欲控制他的本能，不断引爆意志的较量。玛丽对儿子的一切期待──保持房间干净按时吃饭不要咬铅笔──忽然间成为双方摩擦的起源。 最终，两人爆发了一场激烈争吵。阿米特洛特在谈到哥哥时说，他真的很讨厌。老盖茨则扮演了和事佬的角色。盖茨的姐姐说，他会将他们分开，安抚他们激动的情绪。盖茨12岁那年，在一次晚餐时，他同母亲的大战终于达到了高潮。在餐桌上，盖茨冲着母亲大吵大嚷，他现在将其描述为“极其不敬，带有狂妄自大的孩子般的粗鲁”。一向好脾气的老盖茨再也按捺不住心中怒火，将一杯水泼到了儿子的脸上。他和妻子还带孩子去看了心理医生。盖茨后来回忆道，他当时向心理医生说，正在与想控制他的父母爆发战争。据说心理医生当时告诉老盖茨和玛丽，他们的儿子最终将赢得“独立战争”的胜利，他们最好减少对他生活的干涉。老盖茨理解这番忠告。他在布雷默顿一个工人家庭长大，从这里乘渡轮到西雅图大约要一个小时。他说，儿子与我的成长环境截然不同。我开始认真反省自己以前的行为以及与孩子的相处之道。老盖茨的母亲对孩子比较溺爱，为人非常随和。他只有一个年长7岁的姐姐。他的父亲是一个工作狂，与人合伙经营一家家具店，父亲一门心思扑在工作上，没有时间照顾孩子。老盖茨说，他把全部精力都花在打理店铺上。老盖茨的人生轨迹深受另一个家庭的影响，这就是隔壁的布拉曼(Braman)一家。布拉曼的两个孩子成为他的玩伴，而父亲多姆·布拉曼(Dorm Braman)则成为老盖茨最重要的榜样。布拉曼自己创立了企业，后来曾担任海军军官西雅图市市长以及美国运输部副部长。上世纪30年代末，布拉曼一家带着老盖茨踏上了足迹遍布美国的公路之旅。在老盖茨成为童子军一员时，布拉曼曾是他们的团长，带领他们攀登奥林匹克山，搭乘破旧的公共汽车游览黄石公园及冰川国家公园。这支童子军团花了两年时间，用自己砍伐的花旗松建造了一座木屋。老盖茨说，布拉曼没有任何性格缺陷。老盖茨和玛丽最终掀开了抚养孩子的重要一页：选择放手。他们把儿子送到认为会给予孩子更大自由的学校。盖茨就读的是私立湖滨学校，这所学校现在因成为盖茨首次接触到计算机的地方而闻名于世。盖茨说，他开始意识到，他没有必要证明自己在父母面前的地位，而是要向这个世界证明他自己。少见的独立性从13岁开始，盖茨就有了相当大的独立性，这在当时很少见。有些晚上，他会去华盛顿大学享受免费使用的电脑。他大部分时间都不呆在家里，就像他父亲小时候一样。盖茨曾在奥林匹亚呆过，在那里的州立法机构听差，也曾在华盛顿特区的国会听差。大四时，他休学去华盛顿州南部的一个发电厂做了程序员。当时，盖茨与未来的微软联合创始人保罗·艾伦(Paul Allen)联手设计了用于计算道路车流量的“Traf-O-Data”设备，这也是两人之间的首次主要合作。他的父母对他非常支持。当盖茨从哈佛退学，搬到新墨西哥州阿尔帕克基开创微软时，他们默许了。像盖茨这样的决定通常很难获得支持的。盖茨的父亲说，我和玛丽都对他的决定很担心，我想她比我还要更加担心一点儿；我们俩的期望和那些正在上大学的孩子们的父母们的平凡期望一样，就是希望孩子能拿学位。1994年1月，比尔·盖茨在婚礼上与父母合影家人的支持是盖茨决定将微软搬到西雅图的原因之一，他在距离父母家不远的一座房子里安顿下来。盖茨的母亲安排了一个女佣打扫儿子的房子，保证他在参加重大会议时有干净的衬衫可以穿。她还坚持让盖茨遵照家族传统，包括每周日要到父母家里共进晚餐。盖茨的父亲利用自己为小企业提供咨询的律师经历，帮助找到西雅图的商人加入微软董事会。1980年，盖茨带着他的父亲一起赴宴，帮助说服盖茨大学时的朋友如今的微软首席执行长鲍尔默(Steve Ballmer)放弃研究生学业，加入微软。盖茨父亲的律师事务所后来还成了微软的代理，它的最大客户就是微软。微软在面临上市问题时，盖茨担心这会让员工分心，他的父亲打消了他的疑虑。上市让盖茨成了亿万富翁，也酝酿了盖茨一家将要面对的新一轮挑战。走上慈善事业之路微软上市大赚一笔后，盖茨的母亲力劝他从事慈善事业。当时在场的一个人回忆说，一天晚上在盖茨父亲的律师事务所里，当盖茨的母亲劝他捐钱的时候，两人吵了起来。这个当时在办公室的人说，盖茨嚷道：“我只是想经营我的公司”。盖茨表示，当时他并不反对慈善事业，他只是不想从微软的工作中分心。最后，盖茨的母亲成功说服他在微软启动一个计划，为美国联合慈善总会(United Way)筹集善款。他还跟随母亲的脚步，于80年代加入了美国联合慈善总会的董事会。不过随着盖茨财富的增加，西雅图地区非营利机构请求捐款的信件像雪片一样飞来。盖茨说，他曾计划从微软退休后或是在60岁左右的时候，专心做慈善事业。在盖茨的母亲被诊断患上一种罕见的乳腺癌之后，这个计划的进度就加快了。在她与疾病抗争期间，她仍在劝说儿子更多地投入慈善事业。盖茨的母亲于1994年6月去世。葬礼的当天，盖茨一家在家共进了晚餐。盖茨的父亲告诉孩子们不要担心他，他说他还能再活上10年。当时他70岁。不过，在他的妻子去世之后，他就没什么精神了。大约6个月之后，在和盖茨小两口子一起排队进电影院时，老盖茨再次提起慈善事业的想法。他建议盖茨可以开始筛选募捐请求，并捐出一部分钱。一周后，软件大亨盖茨拨出约1亿美元创建了一个基金会，让他的父亲经营。盖茨的父亲后来坐在厨房的桌子边，开出了基金会的第一张支票，给当地一项癌症计划捐款8万美元。开始时，盖茨的父亲（他很快又再婚了）会在最有希望获得捐款的请求上草草地做点注释。然后放在一个装葡萄酒的纸盒子里，定期送到儿子家。这个盒子随后会返回来，上面附有盖茨的回复。盖茨的父亲之后会向所有募捐人回信，有时候会附带一张100万美元的支票和一页纸多一点儿的祝贺信。盖茨的父亲和一位微软前高管共同管理这个基金会，捐钱监督数百名工作人员将捐款范围扩大到教育和疫苗研制。盖茨父亲说，他一直没有忘记这样一个事实，直到他的儿子和儿媳接管之前，他都是在扮演看管人的角色。53年后，他知道要给儿子空间。盖茨父亲说，盖茨对一些事情的看法非常顽固，我们家庭的活力就在于在这些事情上不要干涉他，因为这只会是浪费时间而已。Robert A. Guth相关阅读微软押注Windows 7初级版 2009-04-28微软3Q盈利锐减  看淡今年销售情况 2009-04-24微软搜索引擎的认知度难题 2009-04-14盖茨重登世界首富宝座 2009-03-12原声视频：回顾乔布斯和盖茨对信息产业的贡献 2009-01-22 本文涉及股票或公司document.write (truthmeter('2009年04月29日08:10', 'MSFT'));Microsoft Co.总部地点：美国上市地点：纳斯达克股票代码：MSFT


Spend time with the family of Bill Gates, and eventually someone will mention the water incident.The future software mogul was a headstrong 12-year-old and was having a particularly nasty argument with his mother at the dinner table. Fed up, his father threw a glass of cold water in the boy's face.'Thanks for the shower,' the young Mr. Gates snapped.The incident lives in Gates family lore not just for its drama but also because it was a rare time that Bill Gates Sr., father of his famous namesake, lost his cool. The argument presaged a turning point in the life of a tempestuous boy that would set him on course to become the Bill Gates whom the public knows as co-founder of Microsoft Corp. and the world's richest man.Behind the Bill Gates success story is the other William Gates. The senior Mr. Gates balanced a family thrown off kilter by a boy who appeared to gain the intellect of an adult almost overnight. He served as a quiet counsel as his son jumped into and thrived in the cutthroat business world. When huge wealth put new pressure on the son, the elder Gates stepped in to start what is now the world's largest private philanthropy.Bill Gates Sr., 83 years old, is now co-chair of his son's $30 billion philanthropy, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. He has avoided the spotlight. The public details of his life include little beyond his official biography at the foundation, which says he was a Seattle lawyer, World War II veteran, nonprofit volunteer and father of three. He has compiled his thoughts on life in a short book to be published next week.In interviews with The Wall Street Journal, Bill Gates Sr., Bill Gates and their family shared many details of the family's story for the first time, including Bill Gates Jr.'s experience in counseling and how his early interest in computers came about partly as a result of a family crisis. The sometimes colliding forces of discipline and freedom within the clan shaped the entrepreneur's character.The relationship between father and son entered a new phase when the software mogul began working full-time seven months ago at the Gates Foundation. For the past 13 years, the father has been the sole Gates family member with a daily presence at the foundation, starting it from the basement of his home and minding it while his son finished up his final decade running Microsoft. They now work directly together for the first time.At six-foot-six, Bill Gates Sr. is nearly a full head taller than his son. He's known to be more social than the younger Bill Gates, but they share a sharp intellect and a bluntness that can come across to some as curt. He isn't prone to introspection and he plays down his role in his son's life.'As a father, I never imagined that the argumentative, young boy who grew up in my house, eating my food and using my name would be my future employer,' Mr. Gates Sr. told a group of nonprofit leaders in a 2005 speech. 'But that's what happened.'The first stage -- argumentative young boy -- 'started about the time he was 11,' Mr. Gates Sr. says in one of a series of interviews. That's about when young Bill became an adult, says Bill Sr., and an increasing headache for the family.Until that time, the Gates home had been peaceful. Bill Sr. and his wife, Mary, had three children: Kristi; then Bill, born in 1955; and Libby. It was a close family that thrived on competitions -- board games, cards, ping-pong. And on rituals: Sunday dinners at the same time every week, and at Christmas, matching pajamas for every family member.While very involved in his kids' lives, Mr. Gates Sr. was somewhat distant emotionally, which his children say probably reflects his generation. His stature, combined with a lawyerly bent for carefully choosing his words, also made him intimidating at times. 'He'd come home and he'd sit in a chair and eat dinner, but there was never any kind of warm, give-me-a-hug kind of thing,' says Kristi Blake, his oldest daughter.Mr. Gates Sr. left much of the day-to-day parenting to his wife while he was building his career at a Seattle law firm. Daughter of a Seattle banker, Ms. Gates had been an athlete and top student in high school and college, where she met Bill Sr. She became a full-time volunteer and served on corporate boards.Ms. Gates encouraged her kids to study hard, play sports and take music lessons. (Bill Gates tried the trombone with little success.) And she imparted a discipline that reflected her upbringing in a well-to-do family. She expected her kids to dress neatly, be punctual and socialize with the many adults who visited their home. For the most part, young Bill dutifully abided.'She was the most engaged parent and she had high expectations of all of us,' says Libby Armintrout, Bill's younger sister. 'Not just grades and that sort of thing, but how we behaved in public, how we would be socially.'Bill Gates at an early age became a diligent learner. He read the World Book Encyclopedia series start to finish. His parents encouraged his appetite for reading by paying for any book he wanted.Still, they worried that he seemed to prefer books to people. They tried to temper that streak by forcing him to be a greeter at their parties and a waiter at his father's professional functions.Then, at age 11, Bill Sr. says, the son blossomed intellectually, peppering his parents with questions about international affairs, business and the nature of life.'It was interesting and I thought it was great,' Mr. Gates Sr. says. 'Now, I will say to you, his mother did not appreciate it. It bothered her.'The son pushed against his mother's instinct to control him, sparking a battle of wills. All those things that she had expected of him -- a clean room, being at the dinner table on time, not biting his pencils -- suddenly turned into a big source of friction. The two fell into explosive arguments.'He was nasty,' Ms. Armintrout says of her brother.Mr. Gates Sr. played the role of peacemaker. 'He'd sort of break them apart and calm things down,' says Ms. Blake, the eldest sibling.The battles reached a climax at dinner one night when Bill Gates was around 12. Over the table, he shouted at his mother, in what today he describes as 'utter, total sarcastic, smart-ass kid rudeness.'That's when Mr. Gates Sr., in a rare blast of temper, threw the glass of water in his son's face.He and Mary brought their son to a therapist. 'I'm at war with my parents over who is in control,' Bill Gates recalls telling the counselor. Reporting back, the counselor told his parents that their son would ultimately win the battle for independence, and their best course of action was to ease up on him.Mr. Gates Sr. understood that counsel because of his own childhood, an hour's ferry ride from Seattle in the working-class town of Bremerton. 'There wasn't a lot of structure to my growing up,' he says. 'I had an awful lot of discretion about where I went, what I did, who I did it with.'His mother was doting and easygoing. His sister, his only sibling, was seven years older. And his father was a workaholic who sacrificed child-rearing to work at a furniture store he owned with a partner. 'His complete focus was on the store,' Bill Sr. says.Mr. Gates Sr. early on built a life outside of his home. Next door, the Braman family had two boys for him to play with and a father who would become his most important role model.That man, Dorm Braman, had built his business and would later become a Naval officer, mayor of Seattle and a U.S. assistant secretary of transportation. In the late 1930s, Mr. Braman brought Bill Sr. on family road trips across the country. He was scoutmaster of Bill Sr.'s Boy Scout troop, leading the boys on hikes through the Olympic Mountains and driving them in a beat-up bus to Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks. The troop spent two years building a log house from Douglas firs they felled themselves. Mr. Braman had 'no sense of personal limitations whatsoever,' says Mr. Gates Sr.Bill Sr. and Mary ultimately took a page from that upbringing: They backed off. They enrolled their son in a school that they thought would give him more freedom. That was the private Lakeside School, now known as the place where Bill Gates discovered computers.Mr. Gates says he began to realize, ''Hey, I don't have to prove my position relative to my parents. I just have to figure out what I'm doing relative to the world.''From age 13, he was given rare independence. He took off some nights to enjoy free use of the computers at the University of Washington. He spent chunks of time away from home -- much as his dad had done as a kid. He lived for a time in Olympia, where he was a page in the state legislature, and in Washington, D.C. as a Congressional page. During his senior year, he took a break from school to work as a programmer at a power plant in southern Washington. And in what would become his first major collaboration with Paul Allen, his future Microsoft cofounder, Mr. Gates designed the 'Traf-O-Data', a device for counting cars traveling over a section of road.His parents played supporting roles. They acquiesced when Bill quit Harvard and then moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico, to start Microsoft. It was a tough decision to back.'Mary and I were both concerned about it -- I think she a bit more than I,' Bill Sr. says. 'Her expectations and mine were very ordinary expectations of people who have kids in college -- that they get a degree.'The family support was one reason Mr. Gates decided to move Microsoft to Seattle, where he settled into a house not far from his parents. Ms. Gates arranged to have a maid clean her son's house, and made sure he had clean shirts for his big meetings. She also insisted he kept observing the family traditions, including the weekly Sunday dinner at his parents' house.Mr. Gates Sr., drawing from his own experience as a lawyer guiding small companies, helped find Seattle businesspeople to serve on the Microsoft board. In 1980, Bill Gates brought his father along to dinner to help persuade college friend Steve Ballmer -- now Microsoft's chief executive -- to quit graduate school and join Microsoft. The father's law firm would also end up representing Microsoft, which became the firm's biggest client.Bill Sr. eased his son's worries about taking Microsoft public when Bill fretted that it would be a distraction for employees. The offering would turn Bill Gates into a billionaire. It also spawned the next challenge for the family.After the windfall, Ms. Gates pressed her son to get into philanthropy. At his father's law office late one night, someone present recalls, Bill quarreled with his mother as she urged him to give money away.'I'm just trying to run my company!' he snapped, says the person in the office at the time. Mr. Gates says that at the time he wasn't opposed to philanthropic work, he just didn't want to be distracted from his duties at Microsoft.Eventually, she got her son to start a program at Microsoft to raise money for the United Way. He also followed his mother onto the national United Way board in the 1980s.But as Bill Gates's wealth grew, letters from Seattle-area nonprofits asking for donations piled up. He says he planned to get serious about philanthropy after retiring from Microsoft, or at about 60 years old.That plan would be fast-tracked after Ms. Gates was diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer. As she battled the disease, she continued to urge her son to do more philanthropy. Ms. Gates passed away in June 1994.The day of her funeral, the Gates family had dinner at home. Bill Sr. told his children not to worry about him, saying that he had about 10 good years left in him. He was 70 at the time. Still, after his wife died he was listless.About six months later, standing in a line for a movie with his son and daughter-in-law, Melinda, the elder Mr. Gates again broached the idea of philanthropy. He suggested he could start sifting through the requests for money and give some out.A week later, the software mogul set aside about $100 million to create a foundation that his father could run. Bill Gates Sr. later sat at his kitchen table and wrote the first check, $80,000 to a local cancer program.In the early days, Mr. Gates Sr., who soon remarried, would scribble a few notes on the most-promising requests for donations. He would then put them in a cardboard wine box that he periodically sent to his son's house. The box would come back with Bill Jr.'s responses. Mr. Gates Sr. would then reply to all the grant seekers, sometimes including a $1 million check with little more than a single-page letter of congratulations.Bill Sr. and a former Microsoft executive managed the foundation, doling out money, overseeing a staff of hundreds and expanding its purview to areas like education and vaccines.Mr. Gates Sr. says he hasn't lost sight of the fact that he was playing the role of caretaker until his son and daughter-in-law took the helm. And after 53 years, he knows to give his son space.'He has very fixed ideas of some things,' says Mr. Gates Sr. 'The dynamic of the family is that you don't cross him on those things, because it's a waste of time.'-0-Copyright (c) 2009 Dow Jones & Company, Inc.